Sleeping Like a Baby

The truth about sleep deprivation
 
A quick look on Wikipedia at the entry for sleep deprivation lists 33 physiological effects, the risk of becoming diabetic, the effects on the brain, growth and healing process, impairment of ability, and obesity and their relation to sleep deprivation.
 
The physiological effects listed range from the obvious like irritability (which, in my opinion, should be the first entry on the list and written in capital letters, bold and italics) to the less recognized effects like changes in appetite and slowed healing. A quick look at the list shows that not having enough sleep can cause everything and its opposite, from loss of appetite to obesity, low energy to hyperactivity.

I did notice that they forgot a few things that I have observed in myself over the last two years. These are temporary bipolar behaviour, sudden severe loss of your previous level of intelligence (that is, you get really stupid), and a surprising case of potty mouth.
 
While the list of symptoms includes a lot of opposites, they don't mention that you may experience these opposites within seconds of each other. On the occasional day, I exhibit hyperactivity from not sleeping enough. This one happens infrequently and until I read this Wikipedia entry, I had forgotten all about the giddy, happy time you can have if you are lucky from not getting enough sleep. (Speaking of forgetting, Wikipedia summarizes a scientific experiment showing that though there is an increase in activity in the parietal lobe in sleep deprived patients learning simple verbal tasks, the area of the brain associated with better memory, the memory performance was less efficient in these test subjects.) Whenever I am feeling great and giddy and hyperactive, thought, it still takes the tiniest thing to set me off and I am in the irritable zone again. Poor Natasha, who of course bears the brunt of my sleep deprived insanity, bears a heavy burden. And though she is the source of the lack of sleep, she certainly does not deserve so much snappiness from the one who is caring for her and should be teaching her how to act and how to handle emotions. Sometimes I feel like I am not fit for this part of the job.
 
As for turning stupid, this exhibits itself in many ways. The ways I have noticed most frequently and most frustratingly are in speech and in trying to read. I can't read anymore. The best I can do is flip through a magazine, and even then I cannot make it through an actual article most times. I think I have read four books in the last two years.

When I try to talk all my words run together and sound slurred. If I hear other people talking like this, it is hard to understand what they are saying, so I stop myself and slow down to repeat and enunciate properly what I was just trying to say. Sometimes I can't remember words for things. Once I was describing a hat I had seen for Natasha. It was green and orange, but I could not remember the word for "orange." I could see both colours in my head and remembered "green," but orange was just an image in my mind with no word associated with it. It was a new experience, not like the "it's just on the tip of my tongue" kind of not-able-to-remember-a-word, but a new, complete lack of the word.
 
And then there is the potty mouth. I don't usually swear, but when I'm not sleeping enough, suddenly the inner sailor comes out. This was a surprise to observe, and at first I just went with it. But when Natasha was around 1 1/2, I started to be more careful about the words I chose. Since then I have been pretty good about keeping my language clean, though I will admit that I made the switch just (barely) in time. It was just as Natasha was starting to speak. I could not find my keys and said, very calmly, "Shoot, I can't find my keys. Shoot." She promptly repeated the "shoot" part.

What can you do when you are suffering from all these symptoms? Well, the obvious answer is to get more sleep, of course, but that is easier said than done for most of us. Try to find help during the day to at least rest if you cannot nap, and as you have heard a hundred times already, nap when she naps. In my case, getting so little sleep has caused insomnia on many nights, so I am seeking some medical aid. I have been to an acupuncturist for strengthening and tonifying my whole system, and when I feel particularly tense or irritable I take Rescue Remedy or Hylands' Calms Forte, both of which you can buy at any health food store or vitamin shop and some grocery stores. I have also discovered Boiron's Insomnia homeopathics, which are passiflora tablets, and they seem to work.

Another technique to try is to focus on how you are feeling physically. When I am feeling really angry and about to burst because my sleep deprivation has drained all my patience and sympathy, I notice that I hold my breath and tense my shoulders up. I make myself let out the breath and drop my shoulders and try to focus on breathing. This seems to help in the moment, so sometimes I have to do it over and over again.

I know that sleep will return, eventually. I try to keep my mind focused on the impermanence of this arrangement and the blissful nights of sleep ahead. And sleeping in past 6:00 am - right now 6:00 is sleeping in... And when Natasha looks at me from 3 inches away with her big, beautiful eyes, somehow I just can't be upset or angry anymore. Whoever was responsible for how cute these little people are sure knew what they were doing (thank goodness!).

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