Moms and Daughters

A mother's influence over her daughter's sense of self starts at birth

I read an article in Alive magazine in July with the headline "Moms matter most for self-esteem" about the role of a mother in the development of her daughter. Being the mother of a girl, I was drawn in immediately, though my first thoughts were, "Oh great. Here's another area where my job will never be done, my own performance and habits will be in the spotlight constantly, and I get to feel even more pressure!"
 
As I read about the importance of consuming media and culture with our daughters and explaining to them why they cannot wear the inappropriately sexual clothing they see in advertising to Grade 6 classes, how we should encourage healthy, safe challenges that can be outside our own comfort zones, and how our own approach to food and body image influences our daughters', I suddenly felt a heavy burden being placed upon me. Natasha is only 1 ½, and I have already begun monitoring what I say about myself and others and how I say it, how I look at myself in the mirror and how I eat, and now I am being told that I am the most influential force in these areas in my daughter's life. The size of parenting responsibility had just been put into words that I always knew, but suddenly made it seem like more than it was before I read the article.
 
We all have specific things that we want to focus on and instil in our children and things we want to do differently than our parents did with us. For me, nutrition and eating habits and feelings about body images are some of the main ones; nutrition affects everything we do and feel and is an area that can be confusing without some guidance for young people. As for body image issues, what woman in North America does not struggle with this? This article is a reminder that I have to be strategic about all behaviour and interactions.
 
Then I started to wonder if this is such a bad thing to be reminded about. It did not take long, after reading this article and feeling a burden, to realize that focusing on your actions and thoughts and how you express them is not such a terrible thing. We all have changes we want to make to better ourselves, and what better motivation than the little, 2 ½-foot-tall, cutest-person-in-the-world girl who is running around our home, spending all her time with me? We have all experienced the presence of others as motivation, from getting out for that exercise we mean to do to finally taking that class we have been putting off for years.
 
I now realize that I have the best reason of all to become a better person, to focus on my strengths and weaknesses, to evaluate how I think and act and to take the best of my experiences and pass on what wisdom I have acquired (and the cautionary tales of what dumb things I have done) to our daughter.
 
Oh, and Steve will be there right beside us giving the man's version of how the world works (edited for language and content, of course!). No two people have the exact same concept of parenting, which can present some challenges but also be a valuable learning tool for the children involved. The challenge and balance of two parenting styles will help prepare her for life in the outside world, and how we interact will be an example of how a good, caring relationship works, looks and feels.

Both parents are integral to how a child sees the world, but a mother's role, as the typical main caregiver, can be the defining one. We can each take pride in what we teach our daughters and help them navigate a potentially confusing world of advertising and other media.

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