Parent Profile

Erin and Jonathan, World Travellers

Erin and Jonathan are world travelers who include their 2-year-old Annabel in their plans and travels. The three of them spend time between Victoria and Calgary as work and family calls to them. They admit that nothing in their life is planned, and Jonathan's glass work exhibits and sales and Erin's opera singer commitments (a career she is taking a hiatus from to pursue the more important role of mother) have been the main calling back and forth. Erin's pregnancy and then motherhood drew the two, and then the three, of them to India twice in the last three years.
 
The first trip to India had been a long-time desire for both of them, but Erin decided when she was pregnant that it was time to go because of her practice of meditation. Her mother teaches meditation in Calgary, and Erin had observed that through her practice she felt much better, particularly physically and in her body. Her experiences in Canada made her want to go deeper into the culture where this practice originates and take full advantage of what was available.
 
When the two arrived in India, though, they discovered that the help at the ashram that they hoped for was not available. They were also surprised to hear that seeing a midwife during pregnancy is considered déclassé in India - only people who are too poor to afford a doctor hire a midwife there. When they saw that there was only one doctor (who did speak English while none of the nurses did) who took care of hundreds of expectant women, they realized that they could not go through with this dream, as the dream was not what the reality turned into.
 
Jonathan says that this realization was traumatic and the return to Canada took a full month to come to terms with and execute. From India he lined up a midwife in Calgary where they would use Erin's parents' house as their birthing home base. As Calgary's medical plan does not include midwifery, they had to pay $3,000 for a midwife (suddenly, I am even more glad that we live in Victoria!).
 
During our talk, Jonathan was the one who made a point of saying that India is not perfect, as much as they loved their time there. He says that there were bad things about it, particularly the sanitation standards and health care, which was very good but not accessible to everyone. But he does love the country and the lifestyle. He says that it is a hard place to live, that, without the distractions of a busy lifestyle and consumerism we have here, it really pushes you to be who you are.
 
He then says that he loved the freedom of the country, being free from the binds here, "one of which is earning a living. . . It's very inexpensive to live there. Not having to worry about money was very freeing."
 
When they announced their plans during their pregnancy, there was opposition from family and doctors. Erin's parents had been to India, so they knew the reality of the place, but others who knew of their plans had no context to put the couple's potential experiences. The opposition, though, had a positive outcome. It allowed and pushed the two of them to set boundaries and define and stand up for who they are. Erin now sees that the experience gave them many chances for enormous growth and discovery of who they are as individuals (this was before they had the baby!). It also helped prepare her for being a mom.
 
In India, people have big families, and children look after each other, there are no parents hovering over them. Despite having more dangers there, the children are not told what to do - and, more frequently and repeatedly, what not to do - but children have the freedom to be themselves. Westerners may feel that children have too much freedom there, but Erin points out that many, many Indians grow up to be amazing, strong, and well-educated adults, despite the adversity in the country (think of the climate alone!). Children are part of society there. They are everywhere, you take your child everywhere and parents have the freedom and permission to have an unhappy, crying child, unlike here where we feel like bad parents when our children are loud.
 
Their second trip to India happened when Annabel was 15 months old. Erin was having trouble with the lifestyle change that comes with being a new mother and decided that she had to do something for herself. She wanted to go back and see if India, which was a hard experience the first time, was something she could handle. She decided suddenly, and took Annabel with her for two months before Jonathan joined them. The second trip was much better and Erin considers it a success. She says that the culture embraces family and motherhood is considered an honourable, valued profession. Suddenly, she was surrounded by women and families who valued the new person she was and role she had. This transformed her perspective and mindset. When she returned to Canada after six months away, she was ready to take on her new life, stronger and more confident than before.

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