Parent Profile

Gaileen Flaman - She who helps women become mamas

Gaileen Flaman is one busy mama. Okay, "busy" is the definition of "mama", but Gaileen currently wears four hats. She works at Saanich Parks and Recreation in the afternoons and evenings, teaches Music Together two mornings a week, is a birth doula working towards certification, and resides with her partner Tim and their 18-month-old daughter, Sunny. She has also gone through Hypnobirthing training and is currently enrolled in a Breastfeeding Counselling for Health Care Professionals course through Douglas College. I feel like a lightweight after reading that list!
 
I spoke with Gaileen primarily about her experiences as a doula. She has been supporting women during the lead up to and at their births since March of last year and has attended 6 births. She shares that she had a phenomenal birth experience and was inspired to do what she could to help other women have the same positive associations and memories. Having spent years at a job that kept her in constant contact with teenagers, Gaileen says that the change to being a new-mom and all the new-mom-and-baby friends that comes with it "shifted my perspective completely." She became addicted to the baby realm and wanted to work with others during their fleeting time.
 
Tim works from home and has a flexible schedule, and friendly, available neighbours have helped out with caring for Sunny. This made it possible for Gaileen to pursue both her doula and Music Together training. She says that she likes the "village sensibility of making music with other families" and hopes to foster a sense of community and encouragement in her classes. As for being a doula, she says that she focuses on being a woman's advocate and spokesperson rather than the baby's. She does not agree with a statement like "as long as the baby is healthy" and prefers to let women know that they are a big part of the birth, too, and that there are ways to make it a wonderful experience, just as there are things that we are unaware of that can contribute to a negative birth experience. She encourages women and their attending partners to really take as much time as they can during this short, special period of their life. There will be plenty of time to focus on the baby once she arrives!
 
While feeling honoured to be a part of it, Gaileen admits that the hardest part about the job is staying separate from others at this intimate experience. She also feels as much, if not more, of the anxiety as the parents do in the 2 weeks leading up to the due date and, if it exists, the 2-weeks of waiting after. She was surprised to be reminded how unpredictable birth is and how much it affects her as a third party.
 
I asked Gaileen about the doula community in Victoria. She assured me that she has not felt any competition from other doulas and added that she and other doulas recommend to clients who contact them to "shop around." Not all doulas are the same and the fit between a mom and her support person needs to be right. She recommends interviewing at least 3 different helpers before making a decision. She says that any doulas are moms themselves, but it is not necessary to have given birth to assist with someone else's. She calls having been though birth yourself to be "a bit of gravy" additional to your training, instinctive knowledge and eventual experience.
 
As for the Hypnobirthing and Breastfeeding Counselling training, she has been more relaxed about these pursuits and feels that they do not take the place of anything, but rather are another tool for helping at the birth and beyond. When she first heard about Hypnobirthing and Marie Mongan, she said that she had some mixed feelings about what this process could entail and had to reconcile the idea of a comedian's hypnosis act and a helpful class for a pregnant woman.
 
During the training, it still took some time before she realized that the point was simply to bring a woman into a state of deep relaxation so that she can birth without the tension that can complicate so much during a birth process. Steve and I took this class when we were pregnant with Natasha, and we both felt a similar confusion about the technique. For me it was more a "What am I supposed to be doing? When do I do this?" I understood how to reach relaxation and could do it pretty easily after practicing, but I did not understand how the tool worked. It seemed so simple and subtle that I was at a loss to even frame the question properly to enable a satisfying response. Eventually I figured it out and later realized that it is like training yourself to relax during a deep tissue massage or in the dentist chair.
 
I was not surprised to hear that all of her clients so far have been women who were seeing a midwife rather than a doctor. She felt the beginnings of frustration at the fact, as she says that the women who need a doula the most are the ones who think that pregnancy and birth are all about the stuff that comes with it - decorating the nursery, buying lots of clothes, choosing the right stroller. Gaileen feels that these are the women who most need someone to "offer direction" in the way to birth, to help them be aware of the event that is coming up, and that it does not have to be the screaming, red-faced, emergency-room experience we all see in movies.
 
As for who should become a doula, Gaileen says that you have to do it for the love of it. You have to be okay with an unpredictable schedule (both in terms of your stress level at the idea and your ability to adapt your days to one), and you have to have a special sensitivity that allows you to connect with families but also have your own boundaries. She says that the best part of the job for her is to be able to share with other moms.
 
And in her role as mom, the biggest change Gaileen has seen in herself is that she is suddenly doing all the things she swore she would never do. She both drives a mini-van and shops at Costco! After some soul searching, she realized that it is okay to be this way; she no longer beats herself up about her changes and has decided instead to embrace the current her as evolving. As a new parent, we all end up doing things that are right for our family at the time.
 
Gaileen is an incredible example of what one person and a lot of dedication is able to do. And if you are shopping around for an ideal gift for someone whose due date is coming up, try hiring a doula!

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