Parent Profile

Beth and John Threlfall - A family of artists

Beth and John Threlfall live with their two children, 5-year-old Gracie and 3-year-old Jackson, in their Fernwood home. We sat on the couch (after dismantling a fort that the cushions had been used for), surrounded by toy cars and animals, Beth's art work, and the occasional pagan iconography.
 
My first question for Beth was what she thought of being a full-time mom. Without hesitation, she replied, "It's great. I love it. I can't imagine doing anything else. It's the first job I totally feel absolutely fulfilled with. What I feel I was meant to do." Before being a mom, Beth had several opportunities to manage and run retail stores without the added stress of owning them. While she enjoyed working, Beth enjoys motherhood more. The couple finds it tight financially, but being minimal consumers, they do not feel it is a great hardship and consider the trade-off to be worth it.
 
But Beth is not "only" a mother. She is also a painter and teacher. After a 5-year painting break, she started again in the last year and paints during the kids' quiet time after lunch gets in 45 minutes each day. We discussed the importance of having that creative outlet for yourself as a mother. You may not realize this when you are not fitting your own outlet in, but when you are able to write, paint, exercise or whatever you do for yourself, you then realize that this has been missing and you feel much better - and less irritable! It is a way to balance out all the giving we do as mothers.
 
As for teaching, Beth is part of a collective of women who teach classes in witchcraft, a collective called "Thirteenth House." These women teach a 13-week course twice a year through Triple Spiral, and Beth teaches 3 or 4 classes. She discovered witchcraft and her affinity for it when she was living and working in Prince Rupert. The reading she did and people she met when managing a metaphysical store revealed her interest. She explains that the Wiccan philosophy sees a woman's path in life as going from maiden to mother and then accumulating enough wisdom to earn the position and title of crone. Teaching others her life's passion through classes is the intellectual part of her current life curriculum, and she admits that when she returned to it after the kids were born, she had to work hard at teaching. She was out of practice with having an adult conversation.
 
The person who helped her get back in the swing of things in the adult world is her husband, John. When I asked her how being a parent has changed her husband, she echoes what my response would be to the same question; it has increased his patience and has made him change and improve the way he deals with his temper.
 
Because I was talking to a more experienced mom who had more years under her belt than most of the moms we have met in the last year, I was able to ask a question that had been on my mind for the last couple of months. I realized that my relationship with Steve is very, very different from what it used to be. It used to be more about fun and doing things for each other and being physically affectionate all the time and having many long conversations. Now it just seems like it is about our little one. Of course, it has to be about our little one for now - she cannot even get out of bed by herself in the morning (not yet, thankfully!), and it is right that it is all about our little one. But I have been starting to wonder if it goes back to how it was before, the fun and doing-things-for-us part.
 
Beth admitted that she knew what I meant and reassured me that for the two of them, some of that old relationship has definitely returned. She can see how, in some cases, it can not come back and warns that you have to make the effort to receive the rewards. She also said that she and John were very close friends for 8 years and then romantically involved for another 4 years before Gracie was born. She says that this provides them with a lot of memories; memories that are, as she put it, in the bank for you to make a withdrawal from when you need them during the not-so-perfect times.
 
In response to the question of whether John sees his two kids enough, Beth said that he feels he does. The family eats breakfast together every morning before he leaves for work, and he is home every night by 5:00, when a family dinner is waiting for the four of them. She suspects that he may have moments of feeling envious about her role, but is sure that he really enjoys his work. She does not feel the least bit envious of his schedule and his ability to leave the house every morning for a full day of work. She does not long for the stress or structure of his job as editor.
 
When I ask her what her advice would be to second-time parents or to parents in general, she thinks for a moment and then says to not be too hard on yourself, to remember that you are human and only capable of so much. In response to my realization that we all, as parents and as humans, damage our children somehow in ways we do not know at the time, she observed that we all evolve beyond our parents. I love this idea, that we each gain more awareness and sensitivity to ourselves and each other with each successive generation. When I think of how much more developed my abilities are than my parents, and how much more they were ahead of their parents, I marvel at what Natasha will end up like as an adult. We may be damaging her in ways we cannot see now, but we are also providing her with tools to help herself in the future.
 
Later in the morning, as we sat at the kitchen table watching her kids play in the backyard, Beth said that she loves the layout of their home, as she can be preparing lunch or dinner at the kitchen counter while keeping an eye on her kids play in the backyard. She then added to her answer. Her advice to will-be parents is to like the place where you are living. She says, "You'll be spending a lot of time there!"
 
From the sense of calm and confidence and the calm, cooperative play of her kids, talking to Beth made me jealous of where she is in her kids' lives. Being still in the sleep-deprivation stage, I can't wait to be further along! She shared that part of her secret in staying rested and low stress is that her parents live in Duncan and John's live on Salt Spring Island. Jackson and Gracie go for sleepovers with their grandparents and have regular visits. The parents-of-two have regular breaks and time with each other. And the benefits show. The respect and patience they have for their children is repeated in their two kids' treatment of each other and those around them.

Parent Profiles

Each month we bring you the story of a family to find out how they manage to maintain all parts of their lives.

Nominate a Parent

Do you know some parents who deserve to be talked about? Have you figured out the secret to a parenting problem, question or conundrum that has been plaguing you for ages and want to share it with other mamas? Send us your suggestions and see yourself or your friends in print!